Information bank

Coming out and sexuality

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What is 'coming out'?

The process of telling others about your sexuality (also known as 'sexual orientation') is often referred to as ‘coming out’. Coming out is not necessarily a one-off event - lesbians, gay men and bisexual people may have to come out many times during their lives.

On this page:

Why come out?
Coming out information and support

There is no one prescribed way to come out as lesbian, gay or bisexual. You may feel comfortable being open about your sexuality with some people, but not with others. Coming out to certain people, such as family, friends or colleagues, may be difficult and takes courage. Reactions to someone coming out can range from very positive, to less welcoming. Once you have made the decision to tell people about your sexuality, you may want to think about how you tell them. We have set out a few thoughts on coming out, and links to places you can contact if you want further advice and support.

Why come out?

Whether you've come to terms with your sexuality or you're still thinking about it, it can be difficult dealing with that on your own. You may get to a point where you need to talk about it with someone, to get support or simply get it off your chest.
Don't feel under pressure to come out - take your time. Only you will know when you feel comfortable and ready to do it.
To hide your sexuality from other people often means lying and pretending. You will need to think about whether hiding your sexuality is more or less stressful than being open about it.
If you decide to come out, but are unsure how others might react, you could consider making contact with a support group first. There are helplines, community groups and agencies across the country who are there to support and advise you. See below for more details. It could also be good to start by telling one or two trusted friends first, before coming out to other people.
Where people feel safe being visible and honest about being gay, they may challenge the stereotypes and prejudice others might have about homosexuality. It may help them to revise their attitudes towards lesbians, gay men and bisexuals and in the long term it will help to tackle homophobia (hatred or prejudice against gay people).
If you do come out, but get a negative reaction, don't despair. You might find it helpful to speak to one of the organisations listed below, who are there to offer advice and support.
Generally, however, you may be surprised by how positive the experience of coming out can be. Very few people regret coming out, even if it is difficult at the time.

Coming out information and support

Wherever you are in the process of coming out and whatever age you might be, from school age to retirement age, there are plenty of people and organisations to help make this process easier for you. They can provide support, information, advice, or just a listening ear.

Please click here to find contact details for organisations providing information, advice, support and helplines for younger and older lesbians, gay men and bisexuals. Click here if you or some one you know needs support or counselling.

The Parents Enquiry Scotland offers information and support to parents of lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans (LGBT) and questioning people. For help and support phone: 0845 652 0319.

FFLAG (Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) offers support and advice to lesbian, gay and bisexual people, and their friends and relatives. They run local groups and have produced guidance aimed at both parents and their offspring: call their helpline on 0845 652 0311, email them on info@fflag.org.uk or visit their website at www.fflag.org.uk.

The D'Arcy Lainey Foundation (DALAFO) is a nationwide organisation supporting lesbian, gay and bisexual parents, and can advise those who are in the process of coming out. They can be contacted on 01706 849979, by email at support@dalafo.co.uk or via their website: www.dalafo.co.uk.

To find out what lesbian, gay and bisexual support, advice and social groups are operating in your area, go to www.queery.org.uk.

Remember, if you come out at work and find you are being discriminated against because of your sexual orientation, you are protected by the law. Click here to go our employment pages for more information.

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